Started thinking about my future only after you said that we could try to get a house at the Simei area since I'm not working any more and we could get a 3 room flat!

I felt abit 反感 not because i dont want to have a house with you!
But you mom made such a BIG deal about it when we only thought of trying to get the flat at Jurong west saying things such as "住这么远，死了都没人知道".
I'm super pissed at her being so possessive! But its not right to say that you are the only son wherelse i have a sister!
I know when u said "要看你，住哪里都会来看你，不想看你住隔壁都不去看你" it is really because of me. But why does she have to make a big deal out of it?

But the sayings "女儿还是跟娘比较亲" more or less still holds true.
Come to think of it, i really cannot bear to leave my family just yet!

Not as if we are getting married right now! You plan for our future so that we don't have to worry next time, but... Its the little things that makes me heartbroken time and time again!

I didn't make noise when you go to HYJ every Saturdays from 2-5pm, I don't even say anything about you going for badminton 10am-1pm on Sundays! But do you even care about your girlfriend waiting for you?
I seem to be on standby mode on weekends just waiting for you to call me out! HECK! You don't even reply my SMSes or call me often enough so that i know how to plan my time for you!
We don't even seem to have things to say, places to go, things to do together anymore!
Do i even seem like the one staying at home doing nothing while waiting for my dearest boyfriend to date me out?


I may not be a sticky girlfriend that needs to be updated about your every movement, every other time of the day! I just want you to tell me if you are meeting me at what time at where!
Its not too much to ask for right? This way, you can continue with your activities and i can plan mine!

Like yesterday, you forgot to bring your HP to HYJ, i went out with my friend and of course had dinner with him!
So what if i did say maybe i go find you for dinner? I did say MAYBE! You didn't even tell me the place and time to meet! Is it my fault you didn't go with Winston for dinner just because you wanted to eat with me? Did you really expect me to stay at home just to wait for your call? =(

After that, i tried to make amends by asking you out today...
I sms-ed you saying that i want to go to Tanjong Pagar train station to check out some details. I asked if you wanted to go blading...
From 8am i've been awake, till now, i did'nt get any SMS or calls from you!
Does that mean that i have to go Tanjong Pagar on my own? Will you go with me? Do i have to bring my blades out? Are we even going blading? Do you need to go home for dinner again?

I hate this feeling of being unsure about what to do! I hate having to always guess what you are thinking and end up being wrong about it! I hate wasting my time at home on weekends waiting for you!
I dared not even organize activities on weekends since the day you once said "I thought our weekends are kept for each other?"
So why are you doing you own stuff on weekends now?

Badminton, although you did ask me to go every Sundays as well! But its not my idea of fun! Occasionally its fine, but not every single week!!!
You play till 1pm, bathe, eat, go home do some things... By the time we meet it would be 3 or 4pm with you being tired or us having to go back to your house for dinner!

I could be a good girlfriend and go over to your house to look for you, watch you sleep, accompany you...
But doing that every single week is just not ME!
Can't you spare a thought for me?

I wouldn't have minded sooo much if you put some effort into entertaining me, making me laugh, doing stupid things with me!
But no! I think i've been there for you sooo often that you have taken me for granted... So much that you said "你是离不开我的".

True... I still love you too much... But is this the way i should be treated?

Afterall, you accepted all my flaws, habits, character, me for the way i am...
But, can i accept all your flaws too? Not too many, just one! Your moodiness!
I can't even accept that with open arms...
Now we talk about buying a house!

Do i want to stay with someone that i cannot predict his thoughts, moods, timings?
There is a lack of communication between us!
I always try to talk as much as possible to you... But you don't seem interested in my stuffs! All my problems don't even seem important to you! Sometimes i just need a listening ear and some comforting words! But you just go "Slap you" or don't give any response at all!
My problems may be boring to you, but it happens to be something i care about at this point of my life!!!


When i said that i wanted to go and study again, you said "我们几时才可以结婚?"
You went on to say, now i'm 24, study till 26, find work, settle down, get some savings, how old then we can get married!

I'm touched that you keep planning for our future... But i want to live my life to the fullest! Afterall, we are only young once!!!
I want to marry you, but can you please don't be so practical?
I always cannot give you an answer to all your questions because to me, its always "走到桥头自然直"
Given the practical you, i know that that answer will surely not satisfy you!


Maybe its the different environment we were brought up in! You were given too much freedom when you are young so you became matured at a young age.
But me! I'm well protected, well sheltered, pampered, spoilt...
I finally have abit of my freedom and i want to maximise it! I never have to and never did bother about mundane problems like money, and i really don't know how to start now!

I know that we will have a very secure future ahead of us when i'm with you...
But at least, make me feel like the spoilt brat i am, humor me, entertain me, give me your understandings, your care, your never ending love, your time... YOU!

Is that too much to ask?
You are not one to show your emotions. I know that you have been protecting me and guiding me, trying to make me a better person.

But... i really would prefer you do do little things for me often instead of doing BIG things that i cannot see and feel everyday... =(

I love you! But i don't know if i want to spend the rest of my life with you!!!