Dear Leslie (my albino chocolate elephant pig stingray),

I’m writing this instead of saying it face to face because I know that I cannot express myself well verbally, and I will forget most of the parts, and I can’t talk when I cry!

Typing is the next best thing to tell you how I’m feeling!

I'm really not an image conscious and girly girl person, and I don’t care what others think about me! I know that I’ve tried, and that is not my personality.

I know u treat me very well and love me alot and your scoldings are for my own good!

But... i'm me! Can u try to live with the ME I am instead! I don’t want to behave like somebody that i'm not!

I really didn’t purposely ask you to kiss me in front of people or our friends just to show off, I just asked you to just because I felt like doing so at that point of time!

Maybe I’m envious of the others that get affections thrown at them from time to time, and I get none/scolded even after asking?

Like the last BBQ, the countdown… all I ask is some attention from you! You are even nicer to the others then your own girlfriend. So what if we are with a group of friends? You always have to act as if I’m not around! Will one simple peck here and there disrupt everything?

During New Year, all I want is to be the 1st to wish each other, get a simple peck on the cheeks and a hug! That will be more then enough! But, I have to beg for it instead! Why do you have to bother when our friends are around or not? It’s the New Year! Can’t you at least show me abit of love?

And when my mood was low after that, you had to continue to be moody throughout! I know your leg is hurting, but why must you be moody and spoil the atmosphere?

Everytime during training, I will go call you or say hello first! But you always treat me as if I’m transparent! Why do you have to be fiercer to me then the others when you are teaching? I can’t learn things this way… I learn better through a happy atmosphere!

I know that I test your patience sometimes, but you test mine too!

Weekend, you take for granted that I have to go and find you! If I didn’t show my displeasure, would you even talk about coming over on alternate weeks?

It’s not about going whose house, but sometimes, I just feel that I spend more time with your family then mine!

It’s not a must to come over alternate weeks, and I really don’t mind going over, but why even when we have nothing to do at your house, you didn’t say that you want to come and find me?

It’s boring to go over almost every week to see you sleep/watch movie/ download songs…

I don’t deny our houses are far apart… it’s the effort!

Why must we act like old married couple? It’s not about going whose house for dinner, it’s about the quality of our time spent together!

And almost everything I wear is ugly… seldom I hear you say I look nice or made the effort to try and wear nicer! Just like to criticize me! From the way I talk, behavior, thinking… You knew me from long ago and I’m like that! So what’s the problem now?

I know my thinkings are sometimes not logical or childish! But it’s my thinking! Can’t you try to see things my way once in a while? So what if you are talented and cleverer? I don’t see your logic from time to time as well, but I tend to give in too!

Where’s the comfort I need after a bad day? Sometimes I try to tell you more! But I get reactions like “神经病”or “你够了没有”! If not you would have that sleepy voice and don’t seem to want to listen!

I don’t ask for much! All I want is some affection or be able to feel your care! We are still young,

When people ask about your ex-girlfriends, why are you so proud? Not that I mind your exes, but, it makes me feel that I’m just another girl passing by…

You are talented in many things, I’m much slower! But sometimes can you be more patient and treat it as a fun thing we did together? It’s more about enjoying the process then achieving the end results!

So what if I like to do pointless things that waste money, and you don’t see the logic! But at least I’m having fun!

I enjoy being crazy around people I like and trust but you think its throwing face! I’m myself with the Wushu Group! It’s the only time I can be the irritating, disgusting, me!

Most of my time is spent working now! Where else can I distress and be relaxed? It’s my way of relief~ Please don’t try to control my behavior anymore!

You’re always asking me to behave myself! I feel so restricted when I’m around you!

I’m always afraid of being scolded, making you angry, or cause you to suddenly become moody!

Actually, I don’t know what I did every time for you to react this way too!

We could be happily playing then suddenly you would turn moody… I’m very scared to say/do wrong things around you!

I may be ultra hyper and playful, but once the mood is gone, it’s not that easy to make me hyper again! However bochap and useless I may seem, I’m still human and have feelings! I just don’t like to say things that I know will spoil the mood! When I didn’t voice out my thoughts, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter and I don’t care! Because, It really does matter~

Sometimes, you really make me feel so confused by your reactions and thinking.

You are no longer the hyperactive, crazy, idiotic, funny Leslie I knew anymore... WHY?

I’m so tired trying to be someone I know I’m not just to please you. Can you accept me as the me I am?

Just wanted to let you know how I feel…

Love,

Juliana